02 September 2013
Hot Dog Crust Pizza & Other Ways We Know We Have Enough
Living in central London, we get about 4,761 leaflets under our door a week. Recently, TWO pizza places have been offering their "Hot Dug Stuffed Crust Pizza," using an arrow to show exactly where the hot dog goes inside the crust for those of us who have never even heard of pizza.
We all know that in "developed" countries we have, generally, enough food (of course there are also those going hungry in the developing world, which further reinforces my point). We know this because we have overweight and obese people, suggesting there is a significant excess of food available to us.
With that in mind, WHY ARE WE PUTTING HOT DOGS INTO THE CRUST OF PIZZA? Some would say "why not?" and go into a long speech about how this is the American Dream and freedom and blah blah blah. All of those arguments are absurd. We as a society have proven that decisions like how much to eat can't be left up to us because we make bad choices and that affects everyone (healthcare costs, for example). As such, it's time to be an overreaching government-loving liberal and call for the immediate ban on all foods that combine two foods that are terrible for you into one food.
On that note, I'd also like to ban useless crap like this strap-on knee pillow. For those of you considering purchasing this fine piece of useless sleep accessory, please spread your legs, take on of your head pillows, and place it between them. Close. Done. I just saved you $16. You're welcome.