Closed But Open. But Closed. But Open.

There’s a trend emerging on this trip. Things appear closed but are actually open. That is, except in Russia, where things are just closed for real. There are many ways in which places can appear to be open but are in fact shut. Let’s go through them now:

The “sneaky reflecting door” trick: Two or three doors are set just next to each other one behind the other, making the interior of said site appear pitch black while offering a rather intense reflection of oneself in the glass of the first (or is it the second or third) door. Usual suspects include museums, restaurants, bars and the like.

The “multiple doors but none of them open” trick: This occurs when a venue has two, three or sometimes seven doors but only one of them actually opens. The others do not have signs directing you to the open one nor does it say on them, “this door does not open.” Usual suspects are most commonly cafes.

The “staff answer the office phone number but the door is locked and there’s no one inside” trick: You’re usually standing right outside the door of the office you’re attempting to get into. After incessant knocking and doorbell ringing you dial the number listed as an “office phone” at $2 a minute from your US cell phone. Someone picks up and you ask if they’re open. “Of course, it’s Tuesday, they say.” You explain you’re standing outside the door and that no one is answering. “Well sir, we’re not AT the office, but we are open. You’re silly.” Usual suspects consist of the car rental office in Tallinn, Estonia.

The “it’s a national park but there are no roads that lead into it or signs that direct you to it” trick: It’s on the map. You’re on the only road that appears to lead to it. You just want to see a lake and some swamp land. The muddy dirt road ends just over a crest in 3-foot deep sludgy, gooey, sticky mud. The car sinks right in and the wheels begin to spin frantically. You’re either in the swamp already or on your way there by no choice of your own. Indeed, the national park is “open” but there is no way to get into it.

Things we could do with more of: road signs, access roads and staff physically in an office.

Things we could do with less of: mud and doors with mirrored reflective glass stacked three deep.

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Kyle Taylor

A Return To Civilization

It has been just over a month since this big adventure began in Hong Kong. Now, having reached Eastern Europe, my mind is whirling by just how far I’ve traveled without leaving the ground. While we hopscotched southern China, I have journeyed from Shanghai to Helsinki entirely by rail, covering almost 4000 miles through Asia, Russia and Europe.



The most fascinating part about it is just how different the starting point and current location are. China is Asia. Really really Asia. Mongolia is nomadic. Kind-of Asia, kind-of outer space. Russia is supposedly Asia and Europe but having started in Asia and now being in Europe, I can stay pretty convincingly that it is neither Asia nor Europe. It’s just - Russia. This fascinating, complicated, bizarre otherworldly nation that’s three times the size of the USA with less than half the population and no real consistency except for the Lenin statues that dot the nation and an iron will shared by the Russian people. It is an intensity and a grit that I found both intimidating and inspiring.



Finally, pan to Europe. Scandinavia, in fact. After a month in China and Russia where bureaucracies are bloated and cities are only moderately developed I had forgotten about things like evenly paved sidewalks, clean public transportation and sandwiches (which I ate immediately upon arrival). I can’t even imagine what new dimension of “strange” the next six weeks in Eastern Europe (mostly former Soviet states) will bring. My eyes are open, my ears are wide and my stomach is grumbling. Bring it on!

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Kyle Taylor

Russia Video Mash-Up 2009

A few of the wildest moments in Russia that fit into three nice themes: riding the train, eating the food and swimming in the frigid lake! It's all set to music by Becca pants and Clarkie-poo. Enjoy!

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Kyle Taylor

Authenticity Revisited

On our final night in Russia we decided to go all out - dinner somewhere classically Russian followed by a night at the ballet. We ended up at the Palace Theater, deemed “the tourist theater” by our sales agent. “Fortunately,” I told her, “we’re tourists.”



Our dinner plan was to dine at a “traditionally Russian restaurant where the waitresses where traditionally Russian outfits while serving traditionally Russian food.” This is all code for “touristy, kitsch, hilarious and over the top.” On our way there a man in a giant silver robot costume handed us a flyer for a new restaurant called “Trans Force.” It told us we could enjoy “delicious food while surrounded on all sides by a 3D space adventure.” The best the other place could do is “a plastic rainforest topped by a stuffed rooster.” We decided to pop our heads in to both and then decide.



The “traditional” restaurant was exactly what we had envisioned - plastic trees, stuffed roosters and milk maid-laden waitresses serving up overpriced “traditional” food. Trans Force, however, seemed more of a life experience. We were seated at our “control pod” right in the middle of a 270-degree space odyssey that was soaring over St. Petersburg, Antarctica, Mars and Disneyland. The menus was displayed on our “control panel” and we ordered by clicking through pictures and selecting and favorites. After swiping our “warp speed” card the order was confirmed and twenty minutes later a man dressed as a Storm Trooper delivered my soup and Matt’s pasta to our table just as our space ship reached Shanghai, China. It was the most ridiculous eating experience I have ever had.

Afterward, we went to our “touristy” theater and watched the St. Petersburg Ballet Company and St, Petersburg Philharmonic Orchestra perform the most incredible rendition of Swan Lake I have ever seen. It was an all-star Russian evening.



The whole situation raises that same question of authenticity yet again. What was more authentic for dinner - an over-the-top fake Russian restaurant with fake plastic trees and fake stuffed roosters or a new-age, sci-fi, modern approach to eating (or just being awesome) complete with a virtual reality space odyssey? I’m going to have to say the latter. As for the ballet, I am indeed an authentic tourist so while it may not have been the Mariinskiy, I owned my identity and had a great time. Stick that in your authenticity pipe and smoke it. Even better - do it while soaring thousands of miles above the earth through astroid belts and newly invented planets.

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Kyle Taylor

San Fran To New York - Or So It Seems

Just an hour in St. Petersburg and you’re immediately taken aback by the beauty, splendor and calm of this incredible city. Tree-lined avenues intersect with canals and bridges that are reminiscent of Amsterdam or Venice. The architecture is beautiful. The air is fresh. The people are lovely! Toto, we’re not in Moscow anymore.



Moscow is perhaps best described as the New York of Russia. It’s gritty. It’s tough. The only language people speak is the language of cold hard cash. That is, money talks. It gets you into clubs, guarantees a table and can even get you elected to the federal government. In short, it’s full-on all the time.



In stark contrast, St. Petersburg is quaint, warm and charming. People move and groove to their own beat. No one is in a hurray. The metro is rarely crowded. Designer stores are either few and far between or better hidden than in Moscow. At times you wonder what - exactly - people do. It’s very much like San Franscisco (honestly, what do people do in San Francisco expect eat chowder in bread bowls and talk about how liberal they are?). The Tsars moved the capital here eons ago because of the city’s splendor and this became their showpiece.


The Russian Empire was the wealthiest empire/nation/state of all time. In fact, of any time. There was so much wealth, in fact, that they used to give it away like free snacks at Cosco as if to say, “yeah, I’m so rich I can chuck this coin at your face and it’s whatever.” That led to their using 250 pounds of pure gold to cap the dome of the city’s cathedral, covering an entire room of the palace - floor, walls, ceiling and furniture - in gold and building the world’s largest collection of art. The Hermitage hold over THREE MILLION pieces in it’s back pocket. Two words: Who knew? A few more words: No wonder people were pissed and started a revolution. Wouldn’t you want a piece of that?

I honestly had no idea. I read about the Tsars and the Tsarinas, I delved into the classic works by Dostoevsky and Tolstoy, and I had taken countless classes on World War II, The Cold War and Soviet-US Relations but never had it occurred to me that the Empire itself was the grandest of them all.



The beauty of St. Petersburg is that it has managed - through it all - to retain that splendor in a remarkably calming way. Palace Square - the site of numerous revolts, hangings and even the Bolshevik Revolution - now sits quiet, possibly preparing for its next big moment to shine.



Even Peterhof - the Russian Versailles (only bigger and with more gold fountains) - is, as Eddie Izzard says best, “relaxed and groovy.” No doubt St. Petersburg lives up to it’s reputation as Russia’s “window to the west.” I’m just sorry we didn’t look back sooner.

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Kyle Taylor

It’s Number 57 But There Is No Sign On Purpose

Matt and I arrived early for our overnight train from Moscow to St. Petersburg. The goal was to make our beds, get into our pajamas and be laying down before any other passengers arrived. Basically, we wanted to set the tone of the cabin to “sleep time” rather than “vodka time.” Having not shared a room with anyone the entire journey, I was a bit nervous. Having booked the two bottom bunks, I was a bit worried as well. A heavyset, drunk Russian man would be very difficult to hoist up above.

Our two “bunkmates” arrived at the same time. Both were typing furiously and both were visibly irritated by our very existence. Matt passed out before the train left, leaving me to entertain and coax our new “friends” into being quiet. I have to say it went pretty well. My top bunk buddy only gave me one death stare and Matt’s didn’t say a word. He just awkwardly stripped to his pasty-white briefs then stuck said briefs in my face while climbing the stairs to his bunk holding a bottle of vodka and copy of “In Touch” magazine.



We arrived on time at 8am and headed immediately for our hostel (a short 5-minute walk away). “Number 57 Zhugovsko,” I told Matt. “Okay, eyes peeled.” Minutes later we arrived at number 57 Zhugovsko to find a door with buzzer, a man sleeping on the ground and an old woman taking gulps of beer out of a 2-liter size bottle. No signs. No instructions. Nothing. I pulled out the reservation form and scanned it for entry instructions. Nothing. We wandered up and down the street for a few moments, ducking into the alley to check behind the building (while you may think that sounds ridiculous, this is Russia. The more ridiculous the option the more likely it’s correct).

Having found nothing but a few old cars and a poster for the upcoming Beyonce concert, we turned to head back to the street. Who might you think we found waiting for us? Why, the drunk old woman, beer in-hand! She snatched my reservation from my hands and mimicked an offer to “help us.” I moved to grab it back and she pivoted around, blocking me with an outstretched jug of beer. After careful consideration she handed it back, raised her fingers in the air and said “Five dollars, I show you.” WHAT? Lady, we’re at the address. You 1. Have no more information than we do and 2. Are totally trashed.

I left Matt to deal with the “situation” and proceeded to call the listed phone numbers. The first was disconnected and the second had no answer. Fortunately, there was a third number hidden at the bottom of the page amidst the information about food that was for sale in the hostel. No explanation of how to get it but details on what food is sold. Excellent. This time someone picks up. “Hi. My name is Kyle Taylor and I’m here to check in at the hostel but there is no way to get in,” I explain. “Oh, hi there. Welcome to St. Petersburg. How are you finding the city?” Here we are, 8am, a drunk woman harassing us, making a call from my US cell phone to Russia for $2 a minute and the woman wants to know how I am finding St. Petersburg? “Um, yeah, it’s great. How do I get in? I can tell you more about it then, yeah?” She then proceeds to give me instructions: “Haha. Oh yes, sorry. Okay, all you do is press 4 then B then get the person at the desk to buzz you in then at the second door press 2, 6 and 8 at the same time and quickly push the door open. Go in past the first stairs and then up to the second floor. Well, it’s the third floor in American but we call it the second. Find flat 40 and that’s it, you’re there. Okay? Great. Bye then.” And she hangs up.

How I managed to remember all of that I have no idea, but we managed to get inside. My first comment was - naturally - “it’s a bit difficult to find the place” followed by an awkward laugh and smile. “Oh yeah, people tell us that,” he said. “But we like to keep secret so it is more safe. So we risk people not being able to find it so it’s safer for them.” Two thoughts on this: First, I feel as though I would have personally been much safer NOT wandering the streets and being harassed by our new friend morning beer lady. Second, does it matter if guests are “safer” if they can’t find the hostel to begin with?

Russia. Is. Hilarious.

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Kyle Taylor

Moscow - Undercover Capital

The City

As you approach Red Square, a stream of contradictions swirls before your eyes. At one end stands the awe-inspiring St. Basil’s Cathedral, complete with multi-colored onion domes. The influence of the Russian Orthodox church ripples outward across Russia from here. Opposite the Cathedral stands the State History Museum - home to a slightly cleansed version of Russia’s last one hundred years. The deep-red Kremlin wall runs the length of the square from the Cathedral to the State History Museum. It stands as an enduring reminder of political power in Russia from Tsars to the Bolsheviks, Perestroika to new democracy. Lenin peers across the square from his tomb situated directly in the center of the square. In perhaps the biggest contradiction of them all, he lays facing the GUM - one of the world’s most exclusive shopping malls and home to only the best designers and labels. But the bottom line, however, is this: if you’ve got the cash, you can do whatever you want. This is Moscow. Where money talks and nothing else.

The Lay of the Land

Moscow is situated along both sides of the Moscow River, which contains several islands and inlets. Red Square is at the center of it all, and several ring roads circle outward from there. This is not a walkable city. Fortunately, the extensive (and gorgeous) metro can take you everywhere you’ll want to go. Most museums and sites are situated around Red Square and north toward Pushkinskaya Square. The Arbat - a major pedestrian thoroughfare and once the center of Soviet Union counterculture - stretches west from Kremlin. Hotels, restaurants and nightlife are all around you. After all, this is the largest city in Europe! Grab a free city map when you arrive and get acquainted. This place is huge.



The Must-Sees and Must-Dos

A note on tourism in Moscow - with inflation at nearly 10%, prices are constantly changing. Rather than offer specifics for each site, simply expect to pay between $5 and $8 for most attractions. The Kremlin is Moscow’s priciest attraction at $10. While student discounts are available at every site, there seems to be no universal enforcement policy. That means some places will accept a foreign student ID, some places will accept an ISIC card and some places will only accept a Russian student ID. Finally, a note on opening times. They change all the time. Check with your accommodation upon arrival for an updated schedule. As a general rule, museums are closed on Mondays.

Red Square (Red Square, Metro Alexandrovsky Sad) Comprising St. Basil’s Cathedral, the GUM Shopping Mall, Lenin’s Tomb, Kazan Cathedral & The State History Museum, Red Square remains the epicenter of both Moscow and Russia. Take in each part of the “new Russia” by exploring the church, the politics and the consumer culture that now permeates the Moscow scene. A few tips:

Lenin’s Mausoleum is open from 10am to 1pm Tuesday to Sunday. Arrive early to snag a place in line. While passing through do not put your hands in your pockets and do not stop walking unless you want the Red Guard to have their way with you.
Make sure to stop by at night to see the buildings a-flitter in all their evening beauty. It is oddly magical.

The Kremlin (Red Square, Metro Alexandrovsky Sad) Straddling the entire southwest side of Red Square, the Kremlin has been the political epicenter of Russia for literally hundreds of years. Enter from the north side near the gardens just west of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Don’t miss The Armoury (separate ticket necessary), which is full of the Russian Empire’s most divine treasures. Groups are allowed in at 10am, noon, 2pm and 4pm for 90 minutes. Arrive early! English audio guides included at no extra charge.

The Gulag Museum (16 Petrovka, Metro Alexandrovsky Sad) Traces the horrific period of forced imprisonment that found millions of Russians doing hard labour in the world’s harshest climate - Siberia. Ex-inmates are commonly around and very eager to share their stories. Exhibits are in Russian only so brining an English guide is highly recommended.

The Contemporary History Museum (21 Tverskaya ul, Metro Pushkinskaya, www.sovr.ru) Traces the history of Russia from Tsar to Lenin to Stalin to Gorbachev to Putin! All exhibits are in both Russian and English. A very well-constructed and surprisingly honest depiction of Russia’s last several hundred years.
Cathedral of Christ the Saviour (15 ul Volkhonka, Metro Kropotkinskaya) A masterpiece. The gold-covered onion domes are mesmerizing and visible from all over the city. Stalin had the original smashed to the ground and used the marble to build his beautiful subway. Version 2.0 was built in just two years at a cost of nearly $400 million. Admission is free.

Tolstoy Literary Museum (11 ul Prechistenka, Metro Kropotkinskaya) A plethora of superlatives telling the tale of perhaps Russia’s greatest novelist. The English captions alone are worth the visit. That and the museum’s first edition of War and Peace.

The Vodka Museum (Metro Partizanskaya, look for the enormous “Moscow Disneyland” looking structure and walk toward it, www.vodkamuseum.ru) Beyond kitsch but a telling English-language tale (maybe say “good English-language description”?) of where Russia’s most popular drink comes from. Massive collection of mint quality vodka bottles as well as Smirnoff’s first distilling bottle. Free shots at the end make it very worthwhile.

Izmaylovo Market (Metro Partizanskaya. Exit, turn left and walk straight until you run into a building. Follow the building around to the right. Keep walking straight for about 5 minutes and you’ll hit the market) The place for Russian dolls, mini Kremlins and vintage pins and badges. Delicious Georgian kebab are sold here as well.
Cosmonautics Museum (Metro VDNKh) While the exhibition is in Russian only, the videos of experiments conducted in space, Yuri Gregarian’s first space suit, an enormous collection of space ships and life-size reconstruction of Mir make this a must-see. The soaring 150-foot statue that sits atop the building is rather impressive as well.
Sculpture Park (10 Krimsky val, Metro Tretyakovskaya) Piles of old Lenin and Stalin statues are situated awkwardly amongst modern art installations and a bizarre country cottage. Great views of the enormous Peter the Great Statue as well, which sits in the Moscow River.

Novodevichy Cemetary & Convent (Luzhnetsky poezd, Metro Sportivnaya) The oldest in Moscow and still operating. The cemetery is the burial ground of some of Russia’s most famous figures as well. Check the listing upon entry to find out whose tombs are open.

The Arbat (Metro Biblioteka Lenina) Once the hub of Moscow (and Russia’s) counterculture, the Arbat is the first place you’d have seen Levi’s jeans and heard the Rolling Stones during Perestroika. Now it’s a fairly kitsch pedestrian thoroughfare lined with restaurants, shops and street performers. Make sure you walk all the way to the end to catch a glimpse at the majestic 1950’s Art Nouveau buildings that used to adorn Moscow’s skyline.

Ride The Metro (The Metro!) Believe it or not, it’s a tourist attraction in and of itself! Gorgeous chandeliers, bronze statues and tile mosaics adorn the walls and ceilings of the world’s most beautiful public transportation system. Start at Komsomolskaya and make your way around to Prospekt Mira, Novoslobodskaya, Krasnopresnenskaya, Kievskaya, Ploshchad Revolyutsii, Teatralnaya & Mayakovskaya in that order.

Banya - It’s a traditional Russian sauna complete with ritual tree branch slapping. Exhilarating, exhausting and interesting all at the same time. Try Banya on Presnya (7 Stolyarny, Metro Ulitsa 1905 Goda) $25 admission.



The Crash Pad

Moscow is now an international city and with that comes international hotels. Beyond the usual suspects - The Marriott, The Hyatt, W and so on - there are some hidden gems. But beware - accommodation is obscenely expensive. Expect to pay $350 a night at The Marriott. Some recommendations are below.

Hotel Metropol (1/4 Teatralny poezd, Metro Teatralnaya, www.metropol-moscow.ru) Quite possibly the most beautiful hotel in Russia. Tile mosaics, swirling staircases and 5-star luxury make this THE place to stay if money is no object. Rooms start at $500 a night.

Godzilla’s Hostel (6 Bolshoi Karetny, +7 (495) 699-4223, www.godzillashostel.com) Quite possibly the cleanest hostel this writer has ever seen. Offers both dorm and private accommodation, wireless internet, kitchens and a TV lounge with nightly movie screenings. Staff speaks excellent English. Dorms start at $25 a night while doubles run about $35 per person per night.



The Eats

People go on and on about how terrible Russian food is, but this writer is going to disagree. Yes it’s expensive (absurdly expensive) and yes it’s hearty, but it’s soul food through and through and there is nothing wrong with that.

Russian

Moo-Moo (45/23 ul Arbat, Metro Smolenskaya) While it is a chain, this Russian buffet-style restaurant offers hot meals and decent prices. Just point to what you want. Oh, and try to snag the table under the giant plastic tree. It adds to the ambiance. Meals $5 and up.

Yolki-Palki (8/10 Neglinnaya, Metro Kuznetsky Most) “Traditional Russian food” served by people wearing “traditional Russian outfits.” The kitsch-factor is off the charts, but the food is good and the stuffed roosters everywhere really gives it a little something extra. Try the kvass - a slightly alcoholic traditional Russian drink. Meals run $8 and up.

Pelmeshka (3/4 Kuznetsky Most, Metro Teatralnaya) Cheap. Russian. Grub. It’s that simply. Try the delicious pelmeni. Meals $6 and up.

Not Russian

TaDaCe (Metro Biblioteka Lenina) Sushi, meat dishes and Moscow’s cheapest pasta bowl at $1.75. Sushi runs $6 and up for 6 rolls. Free wifi.

Starlite Diner (16 Bolshaya Sadovaya, Metro Mayakovskaya) For whatever reason, Russians are fascinated with American-style diners and this may be the crowning achievement. Typical diner fair that is surprisingly delicious. Burgers $10 and up. American-size Pepsi $4. Open 24 hours.

Bits and Bobs

Coffee Shops - They are everywhere! Russians seem to be obsessed. Stop in for a cafe latte and a delicious cake.

Supermarkets - Look for the word “Market” and you’re all set. Prices are much lower than in restaurants and the fresh cheese and deli meats are divine.



The Nightlife

Two things define Moscow nightlife - money and looks. “Face control” is now infamous as bouncers decide who enters and who doesn’t based on their hotness. Beware: they’re not afraid to let you know they think you’re ugly. ALWAYS dress to impress and if possible, arrive in a car. Make sure you take a second mortgage on your house before you head out. Cocktails start at $10 and go sky high from there.

Karma Bar (3 Pushechnaya, Metro Kuznetsky Most) Chilled out, relaxed and a generally liberal, mixed scene. Perfect for that after hours cocktail.

Propaganda (7 Bolshoy Zlatoustinsky, Metro Lubyanka) Still considered to be the best club in Moscow (and arguably Russia) Propaganda is the epitome of glitterati. Wear your Sunday best. Propaganda is gay on Sundays and the party is absolutely incredible. Again, cover varies but shouldn’t be more than $10.



The Tips and Tricks

The Cyrillic Alphabet - Russia uses the cyrillic alphabet. At first it will look unintelligible. Take a few hours before you leave to learn it, as it will make getting around much easier. Many words are pronounced similarly, so being able to say them means you’ll be able to understand where you are and what you’re doing.

Tourist Map and Book - The city has a free guidebook called “In Your Pocket.” In it you’ll find restaurants, clubs, sites and most importantly - maps! Pick one up seemingly anywhere.

Hours and Prices Change Constantly - This is true for restaurants, museums and sites. Inflation is just under 10%, which means costs are going up and up. Take all estimates here lightly and know you’ll probably have to add 10-20% upon arrival.

Photo Permits – Russian museums like to snag a little extra cash by charging you to take pictures. The price ranges from $1.50 on up to $5. Don’t buy this “feature” at museums, as most exhibits prohibit pictures anyway. In the Armoury and in the churches it is highly recommended.

Registration - You have to register your presence with the government for all stays over 3 business days and within three days of arriving in Russia. Don’t mess with the police and just do it. Most hotels and hostels offer a registration service for around $20. Just have it done for you. Also, carry your passport on you at all times.

Grit (and then some)

I couldn’t leave Moscow (or Russia in general, for that matter) without making mention to the most striking and impressive aspect of Russian society - the tough, gritty, “mess with me and I will break you” women. If there is one positive thing to be said about Communism, it is that it yields a culture of absolute equity between the sexes. Everyone goes to school, everyone is literate and everyone can shove you out of their way en route to the supermarket, the metro or just because they feel like. The different with women, however, is that they do all of these things while looking AMAZING.



There is only one dress code - absolutely put together. While hairstyles range from the fabulous to the mullet-tastic, overcoats are always form-fitting, jeans are always painted on and high heels are always obscenely tall. This final piece is the most impressive part of the ensemble. I have never seen high heels like the high heels in Russia. At moments I found myself standing their frozen staring at this woman practically performing a circus act balanced on black pleather toothpick heels. So then, to all those ladies out there, I salute you! May your ankles stay strong and your calves permanently flexed.

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Kyle Taylor

The People’s Palace

Back in the 1930s Stalin decided Moscow was in need of a metro system, so he demanded one be built (yes, it was that easy). Practically overnight, the underbelly of the city was turned into one of the world’s largest and most extensive metro systems in the world. So fast, in fact, that nothing worked at first. As the story goes, Stalin was riding the first train just days before the planned opening when it suddenly stopped just inches out of the station. The architect froze, thinking this was his time to go. Perhaps surprisingly, Stalin turned, put his arm on the man’s shoulder and said “no problem. Why don’t we work out the problems before opening it, yes?” Close call.



It was finished in 1935 and to do this day remains an architectural marvel. It is as if the Soviet Union took all of its most beautiful art, culture and raw materials and stuck them 250 feet underground for safe-keeping. Gorgeous chandeliers, bronze statues and the world’s largest tile mosaic adorn station after station. It simply takes your breath away.



You might at first find this a bit odd but think about it: what could be more “of the people” than a subway system and what could be more Communist then making the place most exemplary of the common man beautiful beyond reason? What’s even more incredible is the price - 50 cents to ride anywhere in Moscow! Compare that to the $9 value meal at McDonald’s, $10 entry fee to the Kremlin and $80-a-night hostel and you can see why we road the darn thing around for days. Cheap thrills I tell ya. Cheap thrills.







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Kyle Taylor

This Land Is My Land, This Land Is McDonald’s Land...

As you approach Red Square in Moscow your eyes are immediately drawn to St. Basil’s Cathedral (Annunciation Cathedral) at the southernmost end. The immaculate, brightly colored onion domes have a dreamlike fairy-tale quality to them. The power of the Russian Orthodox Church seems to radiate from here.



To the right, the wall of the Kremlin runs parallel with the square, once housing the Tsar then Stalin (who showed his communism-ness by moving into a former Tsarist Palace - good one Joe. Good one) and now the seat of Russia’s “democracy.” Half-way down is the centerpiece of Red Square - Lenin’s Mausoleum. Six days a week, four hours a day people trudge through to take in the now wax-like visage of the father of the nation. Stalin had dreamed of being embalmed right next to him, but when word got out about the whole killing millions of Russians thing he was plopped out back alongside the other Supreme Leaders.



This is where Red Square gets interesting. Opposite St. Basil’s and next to the Kremlin is the Museum of the State History of Russia, whose exhibits are about neither Russia or history. Finally, opposite the Kremlin (and Lenin himself) is the GUM. What is the GUM, you ask? The world’s most exclusive, most expensive, most fancy luxury shopping mall. Don’t even think about trying to get in if you’re not wearing alligator-skin shoes, a gold chain and - if you’re a woman - 6-inch high heels the width of a toothpick.



Just off the square (but within site of Lenin) is the crowning achievement of new Russia: The world’s busiest McDonald’s, where $9 will get you a Big Mac, fried and a coke. If he hadn’t been embalmed for the last EIGHTY FIVE YEARS, Lenin would be rolling in his grave.



Perhaps the most interesting element of former Communist states is how quickly political power is replaced by economic power. Those who once led the “Revolution” now lead big oil companies. The political elites become the business elites, state rationing stores are replaced by massive department stores and “poof,” democracy! How long might it be before Red Square becomes McDonald’s Square and the government sells the rights to the Cathedral to Disneyland?

As seems to be the most common question here in Russia - WHAT IS GOING ON?

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Kyle Taylor

Supreme Fabulous Amazing Special (& Other Superlatives) Russia

There seems to be both a commitment to and obsession with superlatives in once-Communist countries. While we have a President, Vice President, some Senators and some Representatives, China has the “Supreme Leader” and Russia has the “Extraordinary Council of Superb Revolutionary Representatives.” I mean, how wonderful does that seem? It’s no wonder Russians jumped on board with the whole Bolshevik Revolution. Who WOULDN’T want to be part of a “Special Revolutionary Guard” or serve in the “Secret Special Police” (though I would start wondering how EVERYONE is so darn special all the darn time, don’t cha know).

That being said, Russian’s journey from Tsar to Commi to whatever you might call their current situation is fascinating/ It al sort-of “started” in 1911 when Russia became the last country in Europe to free their serfs. While the USA had abolished slavery some 46 years before, Russia was still operating under a feudal land system that meant people of all races were essentially owned by their aristocratic master. Needless to say, I don’t think people were too happy about that. So along comes Lenin with this vision of an egalitarian society where everyone has what they need - no less, no more. Sounds pretty good to the 70 million people who were essentially slaves, no? Plus, they had the really cool titles mentioned above.


As we know, the revolution swept through Russia and the communists came to power. Lenin goes on his merry way centralizing EVERYTHING, from farms to manufacturing plants to how and when you can use your bathtub. A few years go by and he realizes “hey, this really isn’t working. People are starving, we’re not developing, I think some things need to change.” Lenin heads back to the drawing board and reemerges with a decentralized, partially market economy model (think China today) and everyone gets rally excited. “Hurray, the Super Amazing Awesome Supreme Extraordinary Leader has a better idea!” Literally weeks later he has a stroke, dies and his most committed followers are ousted by Stalin (lets call him Captain Happy) and poof - the new plan goes out the window.

Enter the reign of terror. Not including the 26 million Russian soldiers that died in World War II (The US lost half a million soldiers) Stalin killed or ordered the killing of nearly 20 million more “dissidents” through a nation-wide system of prison camps where people were literally worked to death. This forced labour effectively drove Russia’s industrial revolution in the 50s and 60s. How did he manage to get away with it? Well, there was this code in Soviet Law that said you could be arrested for “secret reasons against the state.” Sounds a little fishy, no? That’s why I was thoroughly concerned when George W. Bush decided to start arresting and detaining people as “enemy combatants” that were unable to challenge the charges in court. I’m just sayin’...


So Stalin dies in 1953 and people are crying in the streets for days because - for nearly 30 years - the guy plastered images of himself EVERYWHERE, building a blind following of people known as a “Personality Cult” that permeated every facet of Soviet society. Sound familiar? That leads to almost 40 years of less-powerful, less “superlative-laden” leaders before Gorbachev says “hang on a minute, I think we need to change some things.” In he comes followed by Yeltsin (you know, the one who was ALWAYS drinking vodka) and that leads to Putin whose hardline has led to the reversal of most “opening” policies (especially around freedom of speech and expression); a powerful leader that mostly goes unquestioned.

Though it seems supremely fitting (to stay superlative about it) that this would happen. After all, people were serfs until 1911 serving a feudal lord then the proletariat of the Soviet Revolution led by scary leaders with lots of prefixes and now vote in a one-party system for the same guy three (and probably four) times. Sounds extraordinarily, amazingly superbly excellently divinely exceptionally wonderfully fantastically troublesome, no? So then, what has really changed?

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Kyle Taylor

It’s 6 O’Clock Moscow Time, Which Means It’s...I Have NO IDEA.

I came across a travel article prior to this trip with the tag line “lose all sense of time and space on the TransSiberian.” While I now completely agree, it is for a very different reason. The article suggests you just get wrapped up in the scenery, the ride and the adventure to really understand where you are. It’s much simpler than that: While the rest of the world sticks to time zones, Russia keeps all eight of theirs intact but runs all the trains on Moscow time. That is, it may be 6pm in Irkutsk, but that’s 1pm in Moscow and our train might leave at 7pm, but that’s Moscow time - so midnight in Irkutsk. So while the local citizens have their clocks set to local time, all the train stations house enormous clocks displaying Moscow time. Meanwhile, my watch is set to London time with the dual clock set to Pacific Standard Time. Follow me?

This has provided hours of conversation on the train. It goes something like this: “What time is it here? Okay, it’s 5pm Yekaterinburg which is three hours ahead of Irkutsk, which is one behind Beijing. Now, we leave at noon Moscow time on Wednesday - what day is it? - Tuesday, okay. So we leave at noon Moscow time on Wednesday which means it’s now 4am in Los Angeles on Monday and noon in London, so with the stars in the third quadrant of the Milky Way and our having just passed the sixty first parallel, I think it’s time for lunch!”

Meals seem to happen whenever your body feels like it and once it’s dark outside, all bets are off as to what you should be doing. Sleeping? Reading? Eating? Drinking? NO CLUE.

As we cruise tomorrow Moscow on this - our final leg of the “official” TransSiberian journey - I’m getting slightly confused. Will my legs work? What will I do with all this time that will no doubt begin to appear? How will I know when to eat and sleep? What does a shower feel like? If there are any “take-aways” from this journey, I think they have to begin with a new-found appreciation for hot good, cold beverages and showers.

Oh, and give gifts to the women in charge of your train. For whatever reason, they’re all incredibly mean (minus our current chief, who has smiled at me. TWICE). The last one was wearing black leather lace-up thigh boots and an entire stick of lipstick. Upon coming to collect our sheets, she proceeded to throw a tantrum in Russian because a wash-cloth was missing. After pointing to our bags in an apparent attempt to pin us as a vicious Siberian ring of face towel thieves, we were booted from the cabin so she could look in every nook and cranny, eventually finding said wash-cloth under the seat. She held it up in our faces, shook it violently then stormed off. I looked at Matt and asked, “what just happened?”

Just as we have no doubt lost all sense of time and space, so too has this blog post. I have no idea what’s going on right now. Should I stop? Is there more to say? Maybe a snack break or an exciting trip to the dining car? Well, according to my watch and reading the path of the sun, it appears it is time to close. I shall now return to staring out the window.

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Kyle Taylor

Yekaterinburg - Gateway to Siberia. And Armani.

After 51 hours on the train, rumbling into Yekaterinburg station was both confusing and exciting. Would we be able to exist once again on land or had we been permanently converted to half-functioning train people who survive on instant noodles, nutella and granola bars carried from America?

We waved farewell to Andy and Charlotte who were continuing on immediately to Moscow and headed for our hostel. With two nights and a day, the goal was - oddly - to take it easy and not do a whole lot. Like inertia, we were objects that had not been in motion and planned to continue to NOT be in motion.


As Russia’s steel and metal capital and the unofficial “gateway to Siberia and Asia,” Yekaterinburg possessed a certain charm that we didn’t find in Irkutsk. Once Russia’s heroine and mafia capital, Yekaterinburg has slowly evolved into a chic place to live and work. The fascinating thing, however, is that this hasn’t led to new buildings - just new shops in old buildings. Take Armani, Paul and Shark, Benetton and Max Mara. One might guess that such stores would build new real estate to occupy. One would be wrong. Instead, the first floor of now decaying apartment buildings are lined with some of the world’s most exclusive brands.


One less-exclusive brand that you won’t find here is McDonald’s. Fortunately, a spectacular law suit waiting to happen exists in the form of “McPeak.” They have happy meals, the “Huge Mac” and a bonus selection of Russian favorites like anything you can think of served in a pile of mayonnaise.


Yekaterinburg is also home to heaps of Russian history. It is the hometown of Boris Yeltsin as well as the place where the last Tsar of Russia and his family - the Romanovs - were held prisoner then executed by the Bolsheviks (Commies). There is also a statue of Lenin. Oh wait, those are EVERYWHERE.

Beyond the history, we spent hours in the central internet cafe “going wifi” while listening to old Spice Girls tracks, cooking our own food (be still my heart) and watching movies. In fact, Matt was kind enough to share the wonder that is “Showgirls,” starring Elizabeth Berkeley. Quite possibly the funniest movie I have ever seen without trying to be. If you have a few hours that you’d like to never get back, rent it. Is there really any better tribute to Russia? I THINK NOT.

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Kyle Taylor

Lake Baikal - Perfection

Our $3 public bus careens down a ride straddled on both sides by pine, aspen and cedar trees. It is fall and the leaves are changing in a brilliant display of how beautiful nature can be. I’ve hoisted my pack on my lap to make room for a man and his baby. He opts to stand instead, probably fearing the damage my bag might do should it roll off of my lap and into his child.



Andy and Charlotte have joined Matt and I for this part of the adventure - a two-day, one-night stint in Lystvianka alongside Lake Baikal - the world’s largest freshwater lake. The entire thing is drinkable (it tastes delicious) and has enough fresh water to quench the thirst of every person on earth for FORTY YEARS. It is on average 30 miles wide and nearly 400 miles long, surrounded by tiny villages and the largest forest on earth. Called the Taiga, the forest itself is three times the size of the Amazon and LARGER THAN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES. Who knew Russia was so awesome?



After checking into our chalet nestled up on a hill overlooking the lake, the four of us spent the afternoon taking in the splendor and building up for our big swim. The most mesmerizing views came from atop a random ski lift we stumbled upon at the top of the mountain. Orange, read and yellow trees flowed seamlessly into brilliant blue water, ending abruptly at snow-capped mountains lining the opposite shore. It was otherworldly.





By now, evening was fast approaching. Charlotte, Matt and I decided it was time to “man up” (Andy was not so inclined, but offered to video and take photos). Our guide book told us of an ancient myth that swimming in Baikal adds 25 years to your life and hey, who couldn’t do with a few extra annums? We had asked our waitress at lunch where a good swimming spot might be and all she would say is “niet.” Too cold for even the Russians, apparently. Hogwash!



Moseying down to our own spot of choice, we ran into some Russians who had just emerged from the sea. They were enthralled. The three of us ditched our clothes in favor of swimsuits and - on the count of three - waded in together. Having a slight Channel-training advantage, the 9-degree water (47 degrees Fahrenheit) was still intense but not deathly.



A few strokes out I turned to find Matt screaming incessantly while heading to shore. Charlotte was only ankle-deep. “Come on,” I shouted. “25 years!” In the end we all made it in and have both a photo and video to prove our 70-second ordeal actually happened. In fact, on our second day we took a boat cruise on the lake and went swimming again - this time diving right off the boat (I’ll post video when I can).



Post-swim, feeling energized and rejuvenated, we returned to our lunchtime cafe to show the waitress our video. She smile broadly and began to laugh before returning to her more traditional, seriously serious demeanor. Then, mid meal, something happened. She came over to the table, pointed to me and said “Actor? Lost?” She was convinced that I was Matthew Fox! Matt burst into laughter and I said to her in Russian, “sorry, no.” She went back to the bar and spent the remainder of our meal looking over at me and smiling. After we’d paid the bill she produced a camera, pointed to me and said “picture?”



I obliged and just like that, the rumor began to spread through all of Siberia that Matthew Fox went swimming in Lake Baikal. Russia is SO FUNNY!

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Kyle Taylor