Moscow - Undercover Capital

The City

As you approach Red Square, a stream of contradictions swirls before your eyes. At one end stands the awe-inspiring St. Basil’s Cathedral, complete with multi-colored onion domes. The influence of the Russian Orthodox church ripples outward across Russia from here. Opposite the Cathedral stands the State History Museum - home to a slightly cleansed version of Russia’s last one hundred years. The deep-red Kremlin wall runs the length of the square from the Cathedral to the State History Museum. It stands as an enduring reminder of political power in Russia from Tsars to the Bolsheviks, Perestroika to new democracy. Lenin peers across the square from his tomb situated directly in the center of the square. In perhaps the biggest contradiction of them all, he lays facing the GUM - one of the world’s most exclusive shopping malls and home to only the best designers and labels. But the bottom line, however, is this: if you’ve got the cash, you can do whatever you want. This is Moscow. Where money talks and nothing else.

The Lay of the Land

Moscow is situated along both sides of the Moscow River, which contains several islands and inlets. Red Square is at the center of it all, and several ring roads circle outward from there. This is not a walkable city. Fortunately, the extensive (and gorgeous) metro can take you everywhere you’ll want to go. Most museums and sites are situated around Red Square and north toward Pushkinskaya Square. The Arbat - a major pedestrian thoroughfare and once the center of Soviet Union counterculture - stretches west from Kremlin. Hotels, restaurants and nightlife are all around you. After all, this is the largest city in Europe! Grab a free city map when you arrive and get acquainted. This place is huge.



The Must-Sees and Must-Dos

A note on tourism in Moscow - with inflation at nearly 10%, prices are constantly changing. Rather than offer specifics for each site, simply expect to pay between $5 and $8 for most attractions. The Kremlin is Moscow’s priciest attraction at $10. While student discounts are available at every site, there seems to be no universal enforcement policy. That means some places will accept a foreign student ID, some places will accept an ISIC card and some places will only accept a Russian student ID. Finally, a note on opening times. They change all the time. Check with your accommodation upon arrival for an updated schedule. As a general rule, museums are closed on Mondays.

Red Square (Red Square, Metro Alexandrovsky Sad) Comprising St. Basil’s Cathedral, the GUM Shopping Mall, Lenin’s Tomb, Kazan Cathedral & The State History Museum, Red Square remains the epicenter of both Moscow and Russia. Take in each part of the “new Russia” by exploring the church, the politics and the consumer culture that now permeates the Moscow scene. A few tips:

Lenin’s Mausoleum is open from 10am to 1pm Tuesday to Sunday. Arrive early to snag a place in line. While passing through do not put your hands in your pockets and do not stop walking unless you want the Red Guard to have their way with you.
Make sure to stop by at night to see the buildings a-flitter in all their evening beauty. It is oddly magical.

The Kremlin (Red Square, Metro Alexandrovsky Sad) Straddling the entire southwest side of Red Square, the Kremlin has been the political epicenter of Russia for literally hundreds of years. Enter from the north side near the gardens just west of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Don’t miss The Armoury (separate ticket necessary), which is full of the Russian Empire’s most divine treasures. Groups are allowed in at 10am, noon, 2pm and 4pm for 90 minutes. Arrive early! English audio guides included at no extra charge.

The Gulag Museum (16 Petrovka, Metro Alexandrovsky Sad) Traces the horrific period of forced imprisonment that found millions of Russians doing hard labour in the world’s harshest climate - Siberia. Ex-inmates are commonly around and very eager to share their stories. Exhibits are in Russian only so brining an English guide is highly recommended.

The Contemporary History Museum (21 Tverskaya ul, Metro Pushkinskaya, www.sovr.ru) Traces the history of Russia from Tsar to Lenin to Stalin to Gorbachev to Putin! All exhibits are in both Russian and English. A very well-constructed and surprisingly honest depiction of Russia’s last several hundred years.
Cathedral of Christ the Saviour (15 ul Volkhonka, Metro Kropotkinskaya) A masterpiece. The gold-covered onion domes are mesmerizing and visible from all over the city. Stalin had the original smashed to the ground and used the marble to build his beautiful subway. Version 2.0 was built in just two years at a cost of nearly $400 million. Admission is free.

Tolstoy Literary Museum (11 ul Prechistenka, Metro Kropotkinskaya) A plethora of superlatives telling the tale of perhaps Russia’s greatest novelist. The English captions alone are worth the visit. That and the museum’s first edition of War and Peace.

The Vodka Museum (Metro Partizanskaya, look for the enormous “Moscow Disneyland” looking structure and walk toward it, www.vodkamuseum.ru) Beyond kitsch but a telling English-language tale (maybe say “good English-language description”?) of where Russia’s most popular drink comes from. Massive collection of mint quality vodka bottles as well as Smirnoff’s first distilling bottle. Free shots at the end make it very worthwhile.

Izmaylovo Market (Metro Partizanskaya. Exit, turn left and walk straight until you run into a building. Follow the building around to the right. Keep walking straight for about 5 minutes and you’ll hit the market) The place for Russian dolls, mini Kremlins and vintage pins and badges. Delicious Georgian kebab are sold here as well.
Cosmonautics Museum (Metro VDNKh) While the exhibition is in Russian only, the videos of experiments conducted in space, Yuri Gregarian’s first space suit, an enormous collection of space ships and life-size reconstruction of Mir make this a must-see. The soaring 150-foot statue that sits atop the building is rather impressive as well.
Sculpture Park (10 Krimsky val, Metro Tretyakovskaya) Piles of old Lenin and Stalin statues are situated awkwardly amongst modern art installations and a bizarre country cottage. Great views of the enormous Peter the Great Statue as well, which sits in the Moscow River.

Novodevichy Cemetary & Convent (Luzhnetsky poezd, Metro Sportivnaya) The oldest in Moscow and still operating. The cemetery is the burial ground of some of Russia’s most famous figures as well. Check the listing upon entry to find out whose tombs are open.

The Arbat (Metro Biblioteka Lenina) Once the hub of Moscow (and Russia’s) counterculture, the Arbat is the first place you’d have seen Levi’s jeans and heard the Rolling Stones during Perestroika. Now it’s a fairly kitsch pedestrian thoroughfare lined with restaurants, shops and street performers. Make sure you walk all the way to the end to catch a glimpse at the majestic 1950’s Art Nouveau buildings that used to adorn Moscow’s skyline.

Ride The Metro (The Metro!) Believe it or not, it’s a tourist attraction in and of itself! Gorgeous chandeliers, bronze statues and tile mosaics adorn the walls and ceilings of the world’s most beautiful public transportation system. Start at Komsomolskaya and make your way around to Prospekt Mira, Novoslobodskaya, Krasnopresnenskaya, Kievskaya, Ploshchad Revolyutsii, Teatralnaya & Mayakovskaya in that order.

Banya - It’s a traditional Russian sauna complete with ritual tree branch slapping. Exhilarating, exhausting and interesting all at the same time. Try Banya on Presnya (7 Stolyarny, Metro Ulitsa 1905 Goda) $25 admission.



The Crash Pad

Moscow is now an international city and with that comes international hotels. Beyond the usual suspects - The Marriott, The Hyatt, W and so on - there are some hidden gems. But beware - accommodation is obscenely expensive. Expect to pay $350 a night at The Marriott. Some recommendations are below.

Hotel Metropol (1/4 Teatralny poezd, Metro Teatralnaya, www.metropol-moscow.ru) Quite possibly the most beautiful hotel in Russia. Tile mosaics, swirling staircases and 5-star luxury make this THE place to stay if money is no object. Rooms start at $500 a night.

Godzilla’s Hostel (6 Bolshoi Karetny, +7 (495) 699-4223, www.godzillashostel.com) Quite possibly the cleanest hostel this writer has ever seen. Offers both dorm and private accommodation, wireless internet, kitchens and a TV lounge with nightly movie screenings. Staff speaks excellent English. Dorms start at $25 a night while doubles run about $35 per person per night.



The Eats

People go on and on about how terrible Russian food is, but this writer is going to disagree. Yes it’s expensive (absurdly expensive) and yes it’s hearty, but it’s soul food through and through and there is nothing wrong with that.

Russian

Moo-Moo (45/23 ul Arbat, Metro Smolenskaya) While it is a chain, this Russian buffet-style restaurant offers hot meals and decent prices. Just point to what you want. Oh, and try to snag the table under the giant plastic tree. It adds to the ambiance. Meals $5 and up.

Yolki-Palki (8/10 Neglinnaya, Metro Kuznetsky Most) “Traditional Russian food” served by people wearing “traditional Russian outfits.” The kitsch-factor is off the charts, but the food is good and the stuffed roosters everywhere really gives it a little something extra. Try the kvass - a slightly alcoholic traditional Russian drink. Meals run $8 and up.

Pelmeshka (3/4 Kuznetsky Most, Metro Teatralnaya) Cheap. Russian. Grub. It’s that simply. Try the delicious pelmeni. Meals $6 and up.

Not Russian

TaDaCe (Metro Biblioteka Lenina) Sushi, meat dishes and Moscow’s cheapest pasta bowl at $1.75. Sushi runs $6 and up for 6 rolls. Free wifi.

Starlite Diner (16 Bolshaya Sadovaya, Metro Mayakovskaya) For whatever reason, Russians are fascinated with American-style diners and this may be the crowning achievement. Typical diner fair that is surprisingly delicious. Burgers $10 and up. American-size Pepsi $4. Open 24 hours.

Bits and Bobs

Coffee Shops - They are everywhere! Russians seem to be obsessed. Stop in for a cafe latte and a delicious cake.

Supermarkets - Look for the word “Market” and you’re all set. Prices are much lower than in restaurants and the fresh cheese and deli meats are divine.



The Nightlife

Two things define Moscow nightlife - money and looks. “Face control” is now infamous as bouncers decide who enters and who doesn’t based on their hotness. Beware: they’re not afraid to let you know they think you’re ugly. ALWAYS dress to impress and if possible, arrive in a car. Make sure you take a second mortgage on your house before you head out. Cocktails start at $10 and go sky high from there.

Karma Bar (3 Pushechnaya, Metro Kuznetsky Most) Chilled out, relaxed and a generally liberal, mixed scene. Perfect for that after hours cocktail.

Propaganda (7 Bolshoy Zlatoustinsky, Metro Lubyanka) Still considered to be the best club in Moscow (and arguably Russia) Propaganda is the epitome of glitterati. Wear your Sunday best. Propaganda is gay on Sundays and the party is absolutely incredible. Again, cover varies but shouldn’t be more than $10.



The Tips and Tricks

The Cyrillic Alphabet - Russia uses the cyrillic alphabet. At first it will look unintelligible. Take a few hours before you leave to learn it, as it will make getting around much easier. Many words are pronounced similarly, so being able to say them means you’ll be able to understand where you are and what you’re doing.

Tourist Map and Book - The city has a free guidebook called “In Your Pocket.” In it you’ll find restaurants, clubs, sites and most importantly - maps! Pick one up seemingly anywhere.

Hours and Prices Change Constantly - This is true for restaurants, museums and sites. Inflation is just under 10%, which means costs are going up and up. Take all estimates here lightly and know you’ll probably have to add 10-20% upon arrival.

Photo Permits – Russian museums like to snag a little extra cash by charging you to take pictures. The price ranges from $1.50 on up to $5. Don’t buy this “feature” at museums, as most exhibits prohibit pictures anyway. In the Armoury and in the churches it is highly recommended.

Registration - You have to register your presence with the government for all stays over 3 business days and within three days of arriving in Russia. Don’t mess with the police and just do it. Most hotels and hostels offer a registration service for around $20. Just have it done for you. Also, carry your passport on you at all times.

Grit (and then some)

I couldn’t leave Moscow (or Russia in general, for that matter) without making mention to the most striking and impressive aspect of Russian society - the tough, gritty, “mess with me and I will break you” women. If there is one positive thing to be said about Communism, it is that it yields a culture of absolute equity between the sexes. Everyone goes to school, everyone is literate and everyone can shove you out of their way en route to the supermarket, the metro or just because they feel like. The different with women, however, is that they do all of these things while looking AMAZING.



There is only one dress code - absolutely put together. While hairstyles range from the fabulous to the mullet-tastic, overcoats are always form-fitting, jeans are always painted on and high heels are always obscenely tall. This final piece is the most impressive part of the ensemble. I have never seen high heels like the high heels in Russia. At moments I found myself standing their frozen staring at this woman practically performing a circus act balanced on black pleather toothpick heels. So then, to all those ladies out there, I salute you! May your ankles stay strong and your calves permanently flexed.

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Kyle Taylor

The People’s Palace

Back in the 1930s Stalin decided Moscow was in need of a metro system, so he demanded one be built (yes, it was that easy). Practically overnight, the underbelly of the city was turned into one of the world’s largest and most extensive metro systems in the world. So fast, in fact, that nothing worked at first. As the story goes, Stalin was riding the first train just days before the planned opening when it suddenly stopped just inches out of the station. The architect froze, thinking this was his time to go. Perhaps surprisingly, Stalin turned, put his arm on the man’s shoulder and said “no problem. Why don’t we work out the problems before opening it, yes?” Close call.



It was finished in 1935 and to do this day remains an architectural marvel. It is as if the Soviet Union took all of its most beautiful art, culture and raw materials and stuck them 250 feet underground for safe-keeping. Gorgeous chandeliers, bronze statues and the world’s largest tile mosaic adorn station after station. It simply takes your breath away.



You might at first find this a bit odd but think about it: what could be more “of the people” than a subway system and what could be more Communist then making the place most exemplary of the common man beautiful beyond reason? What’s even more incredible is the price - 50 cents to ride anywhere in Moscow! Compare that to the $9 value meal at McDonald’s, $10 entry fee to the Kremlin and $80-a-night hostel and you can see why we road the darn thing around for days. Cheap thrills I tell ya. Cheap thrills.







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Kyle Taylor

This Land Is My Land, This Land Is McDonald’s Land...

As you approach Red Square in Moscow your eyes are immediately drawn to St. Basil’s Cathedral (Annunciation Cathedral) at the southernmost end. The immaculate, brightly colored onion domes have a dreamlike fairy-tale quality to them. The power of the Russian Orthodox Church seems to radiate from here.



To the right, the wall of the Kremlin runs parallel with the square, once housing the Tsar then Stalin (who showed his communism-ness by moving into a former Tsarist Palace - good one Joe. Good one) and now the seat of Russia’s “democracy.” Half-way down is the centerpiece of Red Square - Lenin’s Mausoleum. Six days a week, four hours a day people trudge through to take in the now wax-like visage of the father of the nation. Stalin had dreamed of being embalmed right next to him, but when word got out about the whole killing millions of Russians thing he was plopped out back alongside the other Supreme Leaders.



This is where Red Square gets interesting. Opposite St. Basil’s and next to the Kremlin is the Museum of the State History of Russia, whose exhibits are about neither Russia or history. Finally, opposite the Kremlin (and Lenin himself) is the GUM. What is the GUM, you ask? The world’s most exclusive, most expensive, most fancy luxury shopping mall. Don’t even think about trying to get in if you’re not wearing alligator-skin shoes, a gold chain and - if you’re a woman - 6-inch high heels the width of a toothpick.



Just off the square (but within site of Lenin) is the crowning achievement of new Russia: The world’s busiest McDonald’s, where $9 will get you a Big Mac, fried and a coke. If he hadn’t been embalmed for the last EIGHTY FIVE YEARS, Lenin would be rolling in his grave.



Perhaps the most interesting element of former Communist states is how quickly political power is replaced by economic power. Those who once led the “Revolution” now lead big oil companies. The political elites become the business elites, state rationing stores are replaced by massive department stores and “poof,” democracy! How long might it be before Red Square becomes McDonald’s Square and the government sells the rights to the Cathedral to Disneyland?

As seems to be the most common question here in Russia - WHAT IS GOING ON?

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Kyle Taylor

Supreme Fabulous Amazing Special (& Other Superlatives) Russia

There seems to be both a commitment to and obsession with superlatives in once-Communist countries. While we have a President, Vice President, some Senators and some Representatives, China has the “Supreme Leader” and Russia has the “Extraordinary Council of Superb Revolutionary Representatives.” I mean, how wonderful does that seem? It’s no wonder Russians jumped on board with the whole Bolshevik Revolution. Who WOULDN’T want to be part of a “Special Revolutionary Guard” or serve in the “Secret Special Police” (though I would start wondering how EVERYONE is so darn special all the darn time, don’t cha know).

That being said, Russian’s journey from Tsar to Commi to whatever you might call their current situation is fascinating/ It al sort-of “started” in 1911 when Russia became the last country in Europe to free their serfs. While the USA had abolished slavery some 46 years before, Russia was still operating under a feudal land system that meant people of all races were essentially owned by their aristocratic master. Needless to say, I don’t think people were too happy about that. So along comes Lenin with this vision of an egalitarian society where everyone has what they need - no less, no more. Sounds pretty good to the 70 million people who were essentially slaves, no? Plus, they had the really cool titles mentioned above.


As we know, the revolution swept through Russia and the communists came to power. Lenin goes on his merry way centralizing EVERYTHING, from farms to manufacturing plants to how and when you can use your bathtub. A few years go by and he realizes “hey, this really isn’t working. People are starving, we’re not developing, I think some things need to change.” Lenin heads back to the drawing board and reemerges with a decentralized, partially market economy model (think China today) and everyone gets rally excited. “Hurray, the Super Amazing Awesome Supreme Extraordinary Leader has a better idea!” Literally weeks later he has a stroke, dies and his most committed followers are ousted by Stalin (lets call him Captain Happy) and poof - the new plan goes out the window.

Enter the reign of terror. Not including the 26 million Russian soldiers that died in World War II (The US lost half a million soldiers) Stalin killed or ordered the killing of nearly 20 million more “dissidents” through a nation-wide system of prison camps where people were literally worked to death. This forced labour effectively drove Russia’s industrial revolution in the 50s and 60s. How did he manage to get away with it? Well, there was this code in Soviet Law that said you could be arrested for “secret reasons against the state.” Sounds a little fishy, no? That’s why I was thoroughly concerned when George W. Bush decided to start arresting and detaining people as “enemy combatants” that were unable to challenge the charges in court. I’m just sayin’...


So Stalin dies in 1953 and people are crying in the streets for days because - for nearly 30 years - the guy plastered images of himself EVERYWHERE, building a blind following of people known as a “Personality Cult” that permeated every facet of Soviet society. Sound familiar? That leads to almost 40 years of less-powerful, less “superlative-laden” leaders before Gorbachev says “hang on a minute, I think we need to change some things.” In he comes followed by Yeltsin (you know, the one who was ALWAYS drinking vodka) and that leads to Putin whose hardline has led to the reversal of most “opening” policies (especially around freedom of speech and expression); a powerful leader that mostly goes unquestioned.

Though it seems supremely fitting (to stay superlative about it) that this would happen. After all, people were serfs until 1911 serving a feudal lord then the proletariat of the Soviet Revolution led by scary leaders with lots of prefixes and now vote in a one-party system for the same guy three (and probably four) times. Sounds extraordinarily, amazingly superbly excellently divinely exceptionally wonderfully fantastically troublesome, no? So then, what has really changed?

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Kyle Taylor