Closed But Open. But Closed. But Open.

There’s a trend emerging on this trip. Things appear closed but are actually open. That is, except in Russia, where things are just closed for real. There are many ways in which places can appear to be open but are in fact shut. Let’s go through them now:

The “sneaky reflecting door” trick: Two or three doors are set just next to each other one behind the other, making the interior of said site appear pitch black while offering a rather intense reflection of oneself in the glass of the first (or is it the second or third) door. Usual suspects include museums, restaurants, bars and the like.

The “multiple doors but none of them open” trick: This occurs when a venue has two, three or sometimes seven doors but only one of them actually opens. The others do not have signs directing you to the open one nor does it say on them, “this door does not open.” Usual suspects are most commonly cafes.

The “staff answer the office phone number but the door is locked and there’s no one inside” trick: You’re usually standing right outside the door of the office you’re attempting to get into. After incessant knocking and doorbell ringing you dial the number listed as an “office phone” at $2 a minute from your US cell phone. Someone picks up and you ask if they’re open. “Of course, it’s Tuesday, they say.” You explain you’re standing outside the door and that no one is answering. “Well sir, we’re not AT the office, but we are open. You’re silly.” Usual suspects consist of the car rental office in Tallinn, Estonia.

The “it’s a national park but there are no roads that lead into it or signs that direct you to it” trick: It’s on the map. You’re on the only road that appears to lead to it. You just want to see a lake and some swamp land. The muddy dirt road ends just over a crest in 3-foot deep sludgy, gooey, sticky mud. The car sinks right in and the wheels begin to spin frantically. You’re either in the swamp already or on your way there by no choice of your own. Indeed, the national park is “open” but there is no way to get into it.

Things we could do with more of: road signs, access roads and staff physically in an office.

Things we could do with less of: mud and doors with mirrored reflective glass stacked three deep.

--

Kyle Taylor

Our New Old Man Friends

I love old people. I just think they’re great. Whether it’s my own grandparents, the grandparents of friends or just random senior citizens on the street, I find them to be endlessly entertaining in every way. At the root of it is their incredible amount of knowledge on all things past - wars, rationing, “the way it used to be before all these gadgets and gizmos.” On the surface though, it’s the way they just do what they want irregardless of the reactions of those around them (or the law). “I’m driving in this lane. I want to drive in that lane. There is someone else in that lane. Oh well, they’ll move...I want to park here but there is heavy traffic and a no parking sign. Oh well, I’m old. What are they going to do, really...I am at a restaurant and want soup but there is none on the menu. Hey lady, make me some soup. I’m old.”

Cut to our visit to the Museum of War and Occupation in Estonia. You see, over the course of the last hundred years or so Estonia - a nation of just 1.3 million people and about the size of Delaware - has been tossed around by their larger, less-friendly friends (mainly, Germany and Russia, who did very bad things to Estonia and Estonians). We were meandering through and having our minds blown by the complex and fascinating history when Simon and Martin - two lovely elderly Finnish men who had ditched their ladies for the day to have an adventure - stopped us to have a chat. They were over from Helsinki for the day and just taking in the sights at their leisure.

It started with the usual “where are you from?” but quickly became “can I tell you a story?” I love when old people ask that question because you never know what you’re going to get but nine times out of ten, it’s awesome. This time, it was awesome. Simon started in on the secret history of Finland built on the fact that Finland fought both against and with the Russians during World War II and was “the only European nation to beat the Russians” because it was so cold and they couldn’t handle it (probably an assertion that my old Russian friends in Siberia would challenge but hey, it’s Simon’s story). That led to Martin cutting in to note that he “loves America and always has, even when Bush was President even though Bush wasn’t very good.” Martin spent several years living in the US of A and one year studying in Ithaca, which he described as the “most amazing place” (an assertion that most Americans I know who did not go to school in Ithaca would challenge but hey, it’s Martin’s story).

Nearly an hour later I had learned all about the study abroad opportunities for Finns in America, “the truth” behind World War II, why Estonia is nothing like the other Baltic countries (because it is Scandinavian in every possible way), why Santa Claus is Finnish (he seriously is and we need to right this wrong in America) and why Tallinn is the perfect day-trip destination all year long. It was swell and needless to say, since I’m writing about it here, I had a lovely time. My only hope is that Simon and Martin enjoyed themselves as much as I did. I wonder, do old people find youngsters as entertaining as we find them?

--

Kyle Taylor

Estonians = Amazing

Disembarking from the ferry felt more like saying farewell to a mega cruise on board the “Baltic Breeze.” Our ride from Helsinki to Tallinn was just two hours but our boat was equipped with a pub, a restaurant, a burger joint, a business lounge (for serious people wearing suits and such) a mini-mall, a reception desk a FULLY FUNCTIONING supermarket and yes, even state rooms. What was missing? Enough seats for everyone on board. I felt like I was on a floating city, which Matt explained is what a cruise is like. “But why do you bother getting on the boat if it’s just everything that’s on land, only in miniature form,” I asked. “Because it’s fun!” Oh yes, of course.



We were met at the “ferry” terminal by Martin (right) - our couchsurfing host extraordinaire. Begin sequence of events that certify Estonians are indeed the most generous people in Scandinavia (and quite possibly Europe). First, he gave us his room and stayed with his friend Hannes who lives outside the city. GAVE IT TO US. We had met him five minutes earlier. Second, he took care of every reservation, booking or plan that had to be made for us - buses, cars and even lodging with other friends around the city!



Then there is Hannes - compatriot of Martin, EU power broker and social secretary for all of Estonia. He found us lodging in Latvia and - alongside Martin and Jaak (the artsy, cool dancer who gives your gang “street cred”) - managed to plan one of the greatest weekends of my life. From delicious meals to raging nights on the town, the “Tallinn Trio” were phenomenal. Naturally, the magic did not stop there.



“Everyone has heard you’re here,” Hannes tells us. “It’s a small city and news travels fast. You’re going to be very popular.” By the end of Friday evening we had no doubt left an impression on Tallinn in general and my future wife, were she 30 years younger or were I 30 years older. I’ll call her Betsy to protect her anonymity, but she is the Queen B of at Club Angel and decided she loved us, which was the perfect build-up to Saturday night.



On Saturday night we attended the birthday party of Ep - friend of Martin, Hannes and Jaak as well as the most popular person in Tallinn. She and a friend rented an entire art gallery which still wasn’t big enough for their myriad of friends, acquaintances, Estonian celebrities and random Americans who decided to turn up. Betsy (my Estonian wife) had already come and gone speaking of “the two Americans who changed her life” with all her would listen. As such, by the time we arrived it felt as if all eyes were on these strange Americans. Over the course of the evening we ran into Tallinn’s star weather man and - wait for it - the daughter of Estonia’s Oprah! At the post party I was sitting chatting to a lovely Estonian woman about the city only to learn afterward that she was Estonia’s biggest celebrity. In fact, as she left, everyone just stopped and stared.



Apparently there is a “scenester” newsletter that comes out every Tuesday and we may or may not have made it in. That may officially solidify our place in Estonian history forever. In the meantime, one more thank you to the stellar “Tallinn Trio” for an amazing visit.



One final note on Estonia: There is wireless internet everywhere and by everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. From museums to restaurants to shopping malls to supermarkets in teeny tiny villages, the entire country is completely wired with FREE wifi. Compare that to the good old US of A where you can’t get online anywhere and when you can, you have to have a monthly plan with some company that offers dial-up speed at broadband prices. I mean, seriously America? We need to get this together!

--

Kyle Taylor