In-Flight Safety Videos

I’ve been flying quite a bit lately, though that generally tends to be the case. In my most recent journey to Melbourne, the serious lack of interest from flight attendants in delivering safety instructions really got me thinking: how ridiculous are these safety videos?

Every single time you get on a plane the flight attendants now beg and plead with you to please please please take off your headphones, deflate your neck pillow, wake up, stop pretending the in-flight magazine is interesting, and WATCH THE VIDEO because “every plane is different and some safety features have changed.” Okay, no they haven’t. Either the seat cushion floats or there is a life vest under it. I have the option of pulling the tabs or blowing into the red tubes. The lights will come on in water. There are lots of exits, and my nearest exit might be behind me. Some blinking lights will lead the way. No heeled shoes on the slide, which becomes a life raft in water (raising questions about why I need a floating seat cushion). Oh, and leave your crap behind.

This is all fine and good if you’re parked on a runway or floating gracefully on a peaceful lake but lets get real. You put an A380 down in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and it’s going to be chaos. Someone will get the doors open, someone will inflate the slide/raft, and everyone - believe me everyone - will find their nearest exit. Fortunately, with the exception of that US Airways plane in the Hudson, this water landing has never taken place and the chances of a plane going down are still far lower than getting into a car accident, so that’s nice.

What I’d like is for the airlines to spice up the videos a bit. Make them a touch fun and entertaining, like the Star Tours safety video at Disneyland or this Pam Ann farce on the safety video because lets get real - if you can’t clasp the seatbelt, we have a lot bigger problems.

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Kyle Taylor